Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Say what we mean and Mean what we say

So many times we can be having a conversation with someone and they ask us for our honest opinion on something and we tell them what we THINK they want to hear instead of just being honest.  Other times when we are mad, we say things we do not mean to the other party to hurt them emotionally.

There is a difference between:
1) speaking the truth in love and the other party rejecting it and
2) speaking the truth and using it to shame the other person

The difference is in how we say/use it.  We should never say something trying to shame/convict someone into doing the right thing.  We should also not just go around speaking the truth in love without tact.  A little tact can go a long way.. We may have to preface what we say with "This may sound wrong but..." or "I cannot think of any other way to say this but..." but we should always make an attempt to be tactful.

On the other hand of saying what we mean, we need to mean what we say.  If we have no intention of helping someone do something, we should not tell them that we will.  In an attempt to make ourselves look better (to look like we care or plan on helping) we make ourselves look just like those who do not help or care at all.  In the end the people who approach us for help know not to ask us for anything because we never follow through.  Even if we are very capable of doing whatever the task is, they STILL will have issues trusting what we say, because we've never shown them that we can follow through, show up or help.  They will hear one thing out our mouths and see another from our actions.  Even worse is that when we really do want to help and show up, people are surprised because we actually followed through which makes us feel worse that we cannot be depended on.

Sometimes when we truly want to help or show up, we have just spread ourselves too thin to be everywhere all the time.  I remember I used to go all over the place to do things with my friends and I had to stop myself from committing to everything just to keep everyone happy.  I had to realize that I spent so much time staying busy that I would have to break engagements just to have time to myself.  I know that sometimes I would have so many things on my plate that I would miss events and would have to go back and apologize later....

Every now and then we just need to remember to speak to people the way we want to be spoken to ourselves.