Tuesday, August 5, 2014

True Friendships are Real

So many times we hear or think about people's loyalty and you would think that there would be nothing to limit how far their loyalty goes.  Sadly that is not the case....Most people have friendships with people where they may not talk to them everyday, and that is OKAY.  Lately, I have seen in some of my friendships or in my friends other friendships where people who say they are our true friends, act in ways that are contrary.  Some are new relationships while others are not. I can say this....someone who does something toward you that is not in your best interest is NOT your true friend.  For example, I have a WONDERFUL, AWESOME best friend named JESSICA.  Now I do have friends that I've known longer than her and friends that I've known much less than her that are also close, but none of them have the same bond that she and I share.  Now in the roughly 15 years that I've known her, we have been through a lot together and separately. Here's a shocker....we DON'T always agree on everything (although we do agree on a lot). But we instead have our "sounding board" moments. I know at any time of day or night that I can call or text her and she will be there for me....and that whatever she says is the most unbiased, honest answer that I could ask for.  She won't ever tell me something that is not in my best interest, even if it NOT what I want to hear.  If I'm about to make a questionably bad decision...or maybe even one that may not be the most efficient, she'll tell me....and chances are she'll sound a lot like my conscience. The same way she is with me, I am with her.

When someone becomes my friend, not an Instagram or Twitter follower or Facebook friend,  a bond is built that only few things can break it...dishonesty and envy are two of the biggest killers.  Side note: just because someone is my Facebook friend, that means that they are at least an acquaintance.  I have an extensive list of friends/acquaintances that I've known across a number of moves with my family and a long list of cousins who we all find it easier to FB stalk each other...and it's acceptable. When I think of how I WANT to be treated by my friends, I think of how I treat MY friends. If someone talks about me behind my back instead of to my face, that is hurtful and I in turn do not consider them a real friend, but maybe more of an acquaintance. If someone has some kind of dealing or arrangement with me and they don't hold up their end of it, I don't consider that person to be a real friend of mine. Real friends don't gossip about each other and they keep their word with each other. When someone has an arrangement with me and doesn't uphold it, or giving me a heads up about it, it shows that they could care less about the seriousness of it. If you take on the mentality of something not being a priority to you because it doesn't affect you directly (although it will affect a friend) that's not operating in someone else's best interest.  In those times, you (along with them) find a compromise.  For example, if Jessica is having a barbecue at her house and has asked me to bake a few desserts but then I go plan to go out of town leaving the morning of the event, it would not be right of me to just say "well I guess I won't do it, since I won't be there for it anyways." It's called: bake the night before or ahead of time and drop them off the morning of....Side note: if she's having a barbecue, I'm THERE!! haha.

True friends also don't use their friendships as stepping stones to "get more" out of life....that's what contacts are for.  There is a such thing as networking and having contacts, but if you treat your FRIENDSHIPS like that, your friends will see through that. If you have friends that actually don't mind being a networking source for you, remember it goes both ways....they're a contact for you and you are a contact for THEM.

Life happens, we get it.  But the joy of having real friends is that you have a bond with someone that GETS you....they understand you, they celebrate or hurt with you.  Not all friendships are the same either. I have friends that I've met through different events or hobby similarities and I am close to them in ways I'm not close to other friends.  We all have our shortcomings (just ask Jessica about my memory with exact birthdays) but we all ACCEPT them.  Now that DOESN'T mean that you just act as a bad friend and blame it on that's "just the way you are".  You try to CORRECT your hurtful actions (I personally found my Google calendar to be my best friend).  When you make it a point to treat your friends right, and not just enough to appease the situation but to REALLY do the right thing,  they will see that you are making an effort and will love you more for it.

TREAT YOUR FRIENDS WITH THE RESPECT AND LOVE YOU WOULD WANT AND YOU'LL SEE A DIFFERENCE...If you don't want to bother doing that, remove yourself from their lives, you will do them a favor of having to figure out that you're not a real friend and having to dismiss you politely (most of the time) from their lives.

*Now I'm not saying treat your close friends like royalty and your acquaintances like dirt....I'm just saying that you need to treat the people who are in your corner fighting for your best interest and good name right...and be there for them in the same fashion.


Wishing everyone success in all they put their hands to!! On that note, I am getting my Etsy store cleaned up and will be having a sale in the next few weeks! Stay tuned!! If you want to check out my store it's at www.etsy.com/shop/mindofaladybug

Friday, June 6, 2014

Random Thoughts for the day...just something to chew on......


So many things can be summed up in that word.  Recently....well not just recently....maybe over the past 4 years or so, I've come to realize that what I do for my career is NOT my passion....sure, I'm good at it, I enjoy it, but it is not something that I rush home to sit and think about. :-) Instead, I pour over Pinterest, Google, Polyvore, Better Homes & Gardens, Craftgawker,Threads, Jewelry making magazines, JoAnn, Michael's, Home Depot, Lowe's and any other site that gives me tools, fabrics, paints that I can SOMEHOW turn into a masterpiece....all that is DEFINITELY not Technical Writing. I remember thinking years ago....when I was in my early 20's that I would much rather have a job I ENJOY, even if the pay isn't great. Now just a few years later (who's counting) I have the same opinion.  I would love to have a job I am passionate about that pays well enough to pay my bills, save/invest some and fund my passion. I have goals in sight and I definitely plan on fulfilling them, but my approach is a little different this time around. 

It's never to late.....for anything...

So many times we talk ourselves out of doing something because we claim "it's too late for _____". NEWSFLASH: It's not too late, unless you're dead...and if you're reading this, you still have a chance.
It's never too late to work towards a goal whether it's (in my case) a new career, running a marathon, mending relationships, becoming independent, giving back, paying it forward, WHATEVER you want to do.

When things change, you may sometimes find yourself frazzled, spent, numb, completely depleted of ALL energy....take your time.....recoup, rethink your "plan of attack" then proceed. Sometimes we find ourselves in those positions because we doubt our own abilities...which is just plain old self sabotage. If you are indeed good at something, have the guts to recognize that and not downplay or run from it. Many times we do this if it's something we've never had formal training in. Think of it this way....God gives us talents....not the universities or schools we've graduated from.  While they can teach us, they can't put in us what God gave us....

That is all for today....I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The Gift of Inspiration

When you find yourself inspired, be inspiring to others...Inspiration is the gift that keep on giving...you inspire others when you act on inspiration.

Over the past few years whether it's in music, jewelry, clothing, written pieces, building/construction or photography, I have found myself pouring over the works of others.  The way they see, sculpt, build, explain or construct things, I will never understand it all; at the same time, it taps into my inquisitive side.  Many Saturday and Sunday afternoons I have spent trolling Pinterest, magazine flipping or window shopping for my imaginary (future) home. Don't keep it to yourself....as you express yourself, you show others that there is nothing wrong with self-expression, it's okay to be different.  But don't think for a moment that you don't have a choice whether your self-expression is good or bad. While you can't control how people interpret it, you can control the message you put out. USE IT FOR GOOD...There is nothing more inspiring than to have someone come and tell you at a later time that what you did, say, communicated touched them in a personal way that made them want to do better or do more for others.

I have my goals....I have my agendas.....I have my tools.......my God given abilities.....and I have my love of DIY....I have my support system.....and I always have my inspiration, even if I don't know what to do with it..scribble down the first thing that comes to mind. Sit on it, think on it, sleep on it.....but don't let it go to waste...

GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE! Stroll around, assemble something with different textiles, talk to people with different views, visit antique stores, snap pics using ALL the filters in your camera app...I mean it....you have do something different to get different results...who knows? You may find inspiration along the way...don't keep it to yourself!!!!

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Lip Service is over....

Okay, so I'm setting the record straight about certain things....This is my blog, so this is my vent...my rant...mine.  If you don't like it, feel free to email, text, call me and air your grievance but I will say now that it won't make much difference, you have your opinion, I have mine.  I have been taught and try to practice not saying anything out of anger and to think things over before speaking....that's why this blog is just NOW being put out...To all of you that read my blogs but have never met me in person....you already know that I'm not a typically angry person... :-) For those of you who HAVE met me in person...you already know how I am...patient...but not a pushover....

I'm done with constantly having to rely on your lip services....Lip service doesn't pay.  Why is it that you find it so hard to just follow through or do the right thing? Not by your judgement, but by God's? Yes, there are times where a mouth stays shut to give one the benefit of doubt to get themselves together but there are times when one has to call things out.  When I don't speak it's not always because I'm unaware of what you do, but because I'm hoping you find the road to right, the guidance of the Holy Spirit to do right.

From day one, I had always strove to be the good wife, perfect wife, but that didn't seem to be enough...I tried anything and everything I knew to save my marriage.  I supported everything you wanted to pursue in the ministry but outside of our own church life, you always tried to look like you had no marital attachments..I would leave "good morning" or "I love you" notes and you would remove them as if you were ashamed of being married, but any other female could leave notes about whatever she wanted on your page and that was okay....Does this mean I was always the best I could be? NO...but I can NEVER be accused of CHEATING, breaking my vows...I put your needs ahead of my own and most of the time where did that leave me? Alone, by myself while everyone else thought things were fine.  We both went through dealing with the other's bad behaviors, but I never sought approval or comfort from the arms or voice of another man....not my Pastor, not my dad, not my brother, not my friends...The only man I could go to was God. I was even at the point where I didn't want another man to touch me, even to the point of shaking my hand....the only person I wanted TO touch me was my husband...THAT was a low point for me...

Whether through staying overactive in church to have no time for your family or always claiming you needed time alone so you could text, call, Facebook your conversational side pieces to vent or get some pillow talk on with, you never took your marital vows seriously. I remember when you thought it was okay to flirt and post inappropriate comments on females pictures where all your friends and mine could see and claim it was okay because you had known them for years...then try to make me feel bad saying you were counseling them or they needed a guys perspective.....meanwhile, other family and friends of yours and mine are calling, texting, questioning me about the same comments about who these chicks are....smh...

Maybe we were both in love with the idea of being in love and being married......although we were friends, that friendship wasn't enough to build a marriage on. I always found it aggravating on how you would be quick to dismiss close friends or pastors giving Godly advice as if you knew how to better handle it.... "it's between me and my wife" you would tell others.."we're working it out" you would say....that was crap...you would say that to get them off your back...You heard but never listened or applied....I applied what I could but had to face it that i was married to someone who didn't care about me or our marriage.

I look back on it all and think maybe i should have said no, but I've learned a lot about myself through this marriage and divorce....I've learned your lip service is lost on me.

How am I expected to believe anything from a person who carried on an affair for about 6 months during our first year and a half of being married, making the same marital promises to another woman that were made to me when we were engaged? A woman who had no knowledge you were married...even asked you if you were married or involved and you always replied no...  Then when given the chance to get your act together and focus on saving your marriage, you go and cheat again...no not physically again....but through conversation, phone calls, relationship promises....telling females that we were "going through a divorce" or that you're not married....again.  Meanwhile, I'm under the assumption that we were working it out (but were just struggling at it).  Once again lip service lost....telling me and them the same "I love you" lies.  NEVER in my life had I felt so gullible....so low.....so betrayed....

Forget me being your spouse, we were supposed to be friends first and last time I checked friends never treated each other like this...lying blatantly to my face. But the moment I felt strongest and most scared was when I decided to leave.  I was never raised or taught to be someone's doormat or to put up with being lied to...or doing me wrong.  Lip service lost again.

Now while moving on, I've learned to not be bitter, but at the same time, there is a time to be justifiably angry.  I've been there already more times than I can count...to the point that I didn't wish you any physical harm....but to your belongings, they could all go up in flames and I wouldn't have been the slightest bit concerned. Even with as mad as I was, I always pushed for everything to be fair, unlike what you tried to make everyone think.  My true friends know me to be fair and that is how I dealt with you...but seriously, you must have lost your mind to think that I was going to pay for your bad choices....

I let you purchase a truck in my name only for you to return it to me claiming you didn't feel responsible to finish paying for it and couldn't afford it....only to return in a brand new model of the same vehicle...hmm...God sure can work some miracle...Then you expect to leave me with a load of debt and a stack of tickets that you don't feel obligated to pay for...because why? You just didn't feel like you should have to..hmmmm must be nice to get over on folk that try to help you when they don't have to.

As we went through our divorce you tried your best to make me sound like the out of control, crazy ex...I'm so glad that people got to know the real me...they can see straight through your lip service you give them about me. More lip service lost. If I was as active as you are in church, I would have had to step down from things to get my life together, even though the marriage was beyond repair.  My life would need more attention than what it appears you gave yours. I stepped down from responsibilities, ministries and eventually the church because I couldn't take seeing you continue to do as you always had before, with no sense of remorse.  But that brings to mind you telling me that I wear my heart on my sleeve too much, that I don't always have to let people know what I feel...that's true...but that's like telling someone who's husband beat them to not limp or be sore in public (DISCLAIMER: My ex NEVER laid a hand on me in anger....NEVER....that would have been his last day alive or at least his last day of freedom)...if I slept alone the whole week and barely had conversation and was sad about it, good luck on getting my happy face to show up when we got to church. Did I want to leave the church? No, not completely, but I no longer viewed you as a man of God, but a disruption to the solace I sought in worship.

I will say this: I don't know who you are anymore, I don't want to know either.  You can think that everything I do from here out is personal...but no...it's me doing due diligence. I am treating you the same as any other person I have to settle grievances with. At this point, it's ALL business.

I have no desire to put up with the lip service you give to try to keep up your image at your job or at church. At this point, if you couldn't tell already, I don't care to cover your behavior. You won't pay debt you owe, but you can spend top dollar to go to revivals? Something is backwards...God tells you to take care of tithes, personal/home business....but nowhere does it say to cheat others so you can look good.  Does this mean that my actions are perfect? NO, absolutely not...I'm not proud to say it, but for a good while of going through my divorce when I first moved out, I spent more nights at home, buzzed or drunk because I didn't feel like having to deal with emotional pain...yes I did and that was the lowest I'd ever felt.....but then I realized that's definitely not the road I wanted to take...So I threw myself into my crafts, my jewelry anything healthy to take my mind off it....and found that I had a passion for it. I'd spend most of the day now looking forward to getting home so I could get into more creations... But what I can say is that I'm honest with people about my feelings...and I'm honest with myself about my flaws.

Have I moved on? YES. But that doesn't mean that I don't have an opinion or anything to vent and get off my chest. I am a stronger person, not afraid of failure...not afraid to love someone again....

Say what you want, call me whatever name in the world makes you feel better about it....my character will speak for me..it may be flawed, but I own it..and strive now to make it better.  I am moving on and setting out to accomplish things that I have put on the back burner for the past 5 years.  For once in a long time, I'm HAPPY with where I am and where I'm headed and there's nothing about you that can take that from me.

The Roschelle you met in your early 20's is grown, the Roschelle you married is gone, the Roschelle you deal with now is as good as you will ever get from me.

If you only remember one thing about me, make it this: I wish you God's will for your life....and that is NOT lip service.